my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
