Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
