I must be too annoying 4 u.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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