I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize