he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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