dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
