Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
