there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize