I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
