That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
