i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
