brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
