We need to rekindle our bromance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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