Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
