Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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