I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
