OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
