drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
