Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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