So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
