dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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