im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
