I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
