I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
