3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
