It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We need to get me chipped asap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
