How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
