I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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