i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
