really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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