So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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