my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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