We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
