My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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