when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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