If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
