He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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