Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
