what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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