i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
