Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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