it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
