Don't make out with my wife yet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
