yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
