Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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