Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize