I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
