I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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