Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
