I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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