Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
