Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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