Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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