You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
