Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
