You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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