well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
