I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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