After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
