covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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