youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
