that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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