seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
