this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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