If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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