This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
