I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
