Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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