remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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