he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize