There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
