I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Vodka?
Forever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
