Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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