My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
