life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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