atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
being pregnant is like rehab
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
