she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
