Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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