I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
