Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize