Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
