so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
